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Lemonfreezer · #1 11-29-2006, 01:47 PM

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.

However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to population references). Assuming an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, this computes to 108 million homes - presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that, for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household. This amounts to a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. Therefore, Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Police · #2 11-29-2006, 03:55 PM

I dont beleive in santa but...i did hear ina film that he makes every second into a minute...every minute into an hour...every hour into a day...and every day into a month...so really has has loads of time to do it (assuming he was real)

Lemonfreezer · #3 11-29-2006, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Police@Nov 29 2006, 04:55 PM
I dont beleive in santa but...i did hear ina film that he makes every second into a minute...every minute into an hour...every hour into a day...and every day into a month...so really has has loads of time to do it (assuming he was real)

Ah but does that obey the laws of physics?

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum · #4 11-29-2006, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lemonfreezer@Nov 29 2006, 08:47 AM
since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

lmfao gg santa thats a funny 1 ^_^

Police · #5 11-29-2006, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lemonfreezer+Nov 29 2006, 01:48 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Lemonfreezer @ Nov 29 2006, 01:48 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Police@Nov 29 2006, 04:55 PM
I dont beleive in santa but...i did hear ina film that he makes every second into a minute...every minute into an hour...every hour into a day...and every day into a month...so really has has loads of time to do it (assuming he was real)

Ah but does that obey the laws of physics? [/b][/quote]
No but santa is not real...so he can make his own rules up :P

Nactoble · #6 11-29-2006, 07:18 PM

Well here in Finland we have our own ''official'' Santa who lives in Korvatunturi, Lapland.
And yes there is a guy who wears red suit and has biiiiig white beard 24/7.
But he is too old for **** like giving christmass presents so all local bums are acting Santas at christmass.
He has even his own websites: Santa's own websites.

Police · #7 11-29-2006, 07:51 PM

So there is a santa

Ling_Ling · #8 11-30-2006, 08:19 PM

... How the hell do people make popcorn on the stove without using JiffyPop?

Kikaz · #9 12-01-2006, 12:20 AM

OMG, You guys are retarded...

AngryChickan · #10 12-01-2006, 12:33 AM

That's one helluva post.

Are all calculations accurate?

Ling_Ling · #11 12-01-2006, 12:37 AM

hey... thats not nice
at least i beleive in John Travolta and his quest for the magical haircut

xFaTaLx · #12 12-01-2006, 06:04 AM

You mean...He isn't real?

What about all those presents he leaves me? YOU LIAR LEMON! NO MORE BABIES FOR YOU!

SaP · #13 12-01-2006, 06:50 AM

Santa was just a fake figure that parent give their kids something to believe in and look forward at the end of each year, some may think its wrong, some think its right.

Me.......im indifferent, santa or no santa just give me them damn presents!

Police · #14 12-01-2006, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SaP@Dec 1 2006, 02:50 AM
Me.......im indifferent, santa or no santa just give me them damn presents!

I hear you SaP i want presents!!!

The_Waffler · #15 12-01-2006, 07:31 PM

That's the true meaning of christmas. No crap about it.

Police · #16 12-01-2006, 07:36 PM

What about the eating?

Ling_Ling · #17 12-01-2006, 08:13 PM

eatings ok but the digesting is the best part

Nactoble · #18 12-01-2006, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Police@Dec 1 2006, 03:36 PM
What about the eating?

eating the presents? Ummm... nthx.. but thx for offer. :>

Best part of christmass is singing for the old Santa ofc

PeterDeprez · #19 12-02-2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SaP@Dec 1 2006, 08:50 AM
Santa was just a fake figure that parent give their kids something to believe in and look forward at the end of each year, some may think its wrong, some think its right.

Actually santa is not just a fake figure. He has quite a history.
He's actually saint Nicolas, patronage of the children (amongst other things), who lived a life of charity. The combination of children and charity made him a figure celebrated as Sinterklaas (derived from Sint-Niklaas) annually on december 6th in Belgium and the evening before in The Netherland, giving presents and candy to the children. An ages-old tradition which was carried over to the new world by the Dutch settlers, and adopted by the English taking over the settlements. Santa Claus is actually a mispronounciation of Sinterklaas. Over time, the date shifted in America from december 6th to Christmas.
Then, after WWII, the Americans introduiced 'their' Santa, who now looks different from Sinterklaas, in Europe, but in The Netherlands and Belgium, Sinterklaas did and does still exist. So now, kids around here get presents twice in less than 3 week ^_^

Sinterklaas, as celebrated in Belgium and The Netherlands. He is surrounded by countless 'Zwarte Pieten' (Black Petes), which are not negro slaves like some people think, but helpers who turned black from climbing down chimney's

So that's it for today's history lesson

Police · #20 12-02-2006, 04:15 PM

I like the merryness of everyone getting drunk and having a good time :lol:

Ling_Ling · #21 12-03-2006, 01:21 PM

its great to learn, because knowledge is power!

snack · #22 12-04-2006, 12:10 AM

that is the best thing i have ever read on this forum.

Ling_Ling · #23 12-05-2006, 01:22 AM

Why thank you, now thats respect if I was Don I'd make you my chairman

Nit3 · #24 01-03-2007, 06:15 PM

You complain that's not following the laws of physics. Are flying reindeer obeying the laws of physics? Santa Clause is real fool, and I will prove it.

Joke :/

Unseen · #25 01-03-2007, 08:23 PM

That is absolutley brilliant. funiest thing ive read in a long time.

snack · #26 01-03-2007, 09:31 PM

i ripped this off on my myspace.

Ling_Ling · #27 01-07-2007, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by snack@Jan 3 2007, 05:31 PM
i ripped this off on my myspace.

Myspace is absolutley retarded, unnecesary and just contributes nothing to society.

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